MyATMPinIs1234

"Hee hee hee, I am so useless without my morning coffee. I love it." This said the ruminant standing in front of me at Dunkin Donuts.

No, you don't love coffee. You love the very large cup of milk and sugar that you requested, with a slight coffee flavoring added in.

"I'm gonna be good and stick to my diet. No donuts for me today."

Good thinking, except for the cup of fat and sugar you're sucking down has the same calories as a quarter pounder with cheese. And the QP will at least fill you up and does have meat, cheese, bread, ketchup.

Large McDonald's Coffee: 20 Calories (black, no sugar)
Venti Starbucks Caramel Frappuccino: 530 Calories

If you like coffee, drink coffee. If you like fat and sugar, at least stop lying to yourself and go eat a snickers bar. Oh yeah, the caffeine. Ok, have a snickers bar and an Excederin.

This is a great quote. People crack me up. When arguing an issue, try not to make your opponent's point.

Utahns "sometimes think gun possession is a God-given right, not a constitutional right," says Jake Garn, a university trustee and former U.S. senator, explaining the dispute. "I tell them I don't ever remember seeing Jesus packing heat (WSJ 5/24/04)."

Uh yeah, and look how things turned out for him. I'd love to see how the bible story would go if Jesus and his gang had concealed weapons permits.

I just got the following email from my old boss (which is supposed to be forwarded to Kofi Annan and other UN and EU luminaries)...

"When Israel builds a fence to keep out terrorists, the UN and EU are up in arms because it makes it difficult for terrorists to kill more Jews. When terrorists kill an 8 month pregnant Jewish woman and her 4 little girls, there is absolute silence from your organizations. If you think your indifference goes unnoticed, count the number of messages you will receive world-wide in the next 48 hours on this subject."

I guess he forgot the part about how also, the UN is the greatest thing ever, and we need it to take over American foreign policy. Hey I've got an idea! Why don't you complain to the chair of the UN Human Rights Commission? Oh yeah, because last year it was Libya, and they have historically not been Israel's biggest booster.

I recently read that there are 10 types of people in this world, those that know binary and those that don't.

On that note, can someone please explain to me who are all these people that are still 'undecided' about the next Presidential election? I can understand Kerry voters and Bush voters. Some people prefer the government to be mommy and some prefer daddy. I can also understand the people who just don't give a shit. But who are the people that are still making up their minds? This means that you have been utterly avoiding all media for the past several years, or do not have the mental capacity to make decisions. In either case, you should not be allowed to vote. You would make an excellent juror, however.

Listen up yuppie scum. 'Manual Labor' is not the President of Argentina.

I recently learned that the Islamic Prophet Mohammed was an illiterate trader who relied on scribes to jot down the words he heard from God. We all know that Jesus was a carpenter, and from the paintings I've seen, looked like he weighed about 98 pounds and learned his dietary tactics in the bathrooms of the Barnard College dining hall. I can only imagine that Moses was not a stand-out on the University of Cairo basketball team as a youth.

If I was God and had to create or choose a son, prophet, or representative, I'd find a guy that looked like 'The Rock', was as smart as Steven Hawking, and had the hand-eye coordination of Lee Harvey Oswald.

If you are in any way connected to the reporting of weather conditions, please pass this request along. The current temperature should never be outside the range of today's high and low temperature. Never.

If you are an American Jew with an Israeli stamp in your passport, do not go wandering around in an Arab country or you will be killed. It is really that simple. What happened to Daniel Pearl was a tragedy. Did Nick Berg not know about what happened to Pearl? Berg threw himself in a shark tank and now everyone is pissed off that he got eaten. Yes, I know the implication of this statement is that the Arabs are completely insane. Obviously not all of them are, but probably not all of the sharks were hungry either. The next time a Jewish kid gets killed in an Arab country he should be automatically granted the Darwin Award. If you are a not very smart Jewish kid they will give you a job at a Jewish charity. It is well known that the whole point of those charities is to provide work for Jewish housewives and other unemployable Jews. That is why they call it Jewfare.

Don't even get me started on the Abu Ghraib prison. Does anyone believe that there is one prison in the world where things are better for the prisoners? Where would you rather be: A Mexican prison, a Turkish prison, a Russian prison, Riker's Island, or Abu Ghraib? I think having some people yell at you and have some chick MP see you naked is a lot better than being gang raped by the worst people they could round up from the Bronx.

Everyone needs to stop apologizing immediately.

Also, nuclear weapons are like wedding dresses. They cost a ridiculous amount to get, we only got to use them once, and now we just keep them around for show because everyone knows we're not going to use them again unless our current situation gets fscked.

This is an excerpt of a discussion I did not find because I was not reading about the quality of US programmers and outsourcing to India. Really I am cool.

Initial Post: Every Darwinist knows how to solve this. Let only the best programmers reproduce.

Response: Every mathematician knows you can't solve an over-constrained system of equations.

Ouch.

It's really too bad Muslims don't drink alcohol, because perhaps then we could resolve our disputes like this one, with bourbon instead of daisy cutters.

But he says it's really a very friendly dispute. "When Danish military go there, they leave a bottle of schnapps. And when [Canadian] military forces come there, they leave a bottle of Canadian Club and a sign saying, 'Welcome to Canada.' "

I've really come to appreciate the old adage that you should "measure twice and cut once." I only wish they had specified that the steps are not commutative.