MyATMPinIs1234

me: Hey Nancy.
girl: We haven't met yet -- and my name's Courtney.
me: So what do you do?
girl: I work at the Oxygen Network.
me: Sweet. Oxygen is one of my favorite elements.
girl: Oh.
me: Do you know what oxygen's atomic number is?
girl: Uh, no.
me: Even though you work there?
girl: Nope.
me: It's eight.
girl: I have to go now.
me: Don't go bonding with two hydrogens...
girl: [No response]
me: Let's get out of here. This place is dead.

Call me a conspiracy theorist, but I don't think it's mere coincidence that 'air conditioner' and 'hair conditioner' differ by only one letter.

120 square feet being not enough space in which to spend 20 hours a day, I either need to start working or sleeping somewhere else.

Cockroaches must sure like to fuck a lot.

I am deleting the post from Sunday, since it has been brought to my attention that I do not have a dog.

Sometimes the guys (I mean men and women) in the sciences make fun of humanities as being a load of bullshit. Well a group of men and women at MIT have developed a computer program that automatically produces academic research papers in Computer Science. One of the papers was accepted at a conference. Ok, it's not a real peer reviewed conference, but the papers are pretty damn good (at appearing to be real).

What does this teach us?

1) Irony is cool
2) I needed this program back in the dotcom days
3) As long as you're studying bullshit, it might as well be with hot chicks
4) Unless you want a good job

What the fuck was I thinking buying a white duvet cover? That thing needs to be washed all the fricken time. My next linen purchase is going to be the same color as office building carpet.

Nice. The "sore loser" party is at it again. I'm getting all these emails about how the Senate filibuster is the greatest thing since sliced bread and how we have to save it. Funny, I don't remember (having not been born yet) the NAACP promoting this Senate rule back when it was being used by southern Senators to block the Civil Rights Acts.

Anyway, I'm personally a fan of the filly (and legislative obstruction in general), so I don't think we should get rid of it, but I also don't think it should be used in the context of judicial confirmations. That's because the Senate is required to give Advice and Consent on the issue, and that's it.

"He shall have Power, by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, to make Treaties, provided two thirds of the Senators present concur; and he shall nominate, and by and with the Advice and Consent of the Senate, shall appoint Ambassadors, other public Ministers and Consuls, Judges of the supreme Court, and all other Officers of the United States (Article 1, Sec 2)..."

The Constitution is pretty clear when any kind of super-majority is required for a decision. You can see it is required for Treaties. Regular old consent is required for SCOTUS Judges.

"Oh, but there won't be enough debate!" How much exactly do you want? Because you seem to think anything less than unlimited is not enough.

"How dare you mess with this 200 year old tradition!" Actually they changed Cloture rules in 1975 to require 60 instead of 67 votes.

Stop being such cry baby pussies! That is the fricken reason why you got spanked down so hard last November. Suck it up and do your fucking job, which is to vote the nominations up or down. So we end up with a little less butt sex and a few more unwanted babies. Yeah, it sucks, so next time why don't you not nominate a fucking tyrant loving jackass who promises to raise taxes?

I'm starting a collection of "I like my women like I like my coffee" jokes. Please submit the best ones you have to the comments. Here's what I have so far.

I like my women like I like my coffee...

...dark and bitter.
...ground up and in my freezer.
...ethically purchased from farming cooperatives in Latin America.
...chock full o' nuts.

I still haven't seen everything, but after last night there is one less thing I haven't seen. That would be watching a banquet hall full of Chinese people ballroom dancing while my friend karaokes 'Enter Sandman' on stage. Also, I like BYOB.

I don't want to go all Tayloristic on you guys, but I've always been really annoyed by the cell phone voicemail systems. I don't know if they all have this, but I'm constantly hearing "if you would like to leave a call-back number, press # now." Does anyone ever do this? Why can't you just leave your number on the voicemail like a normal person? The 99.9% of people who never do this have 4 seconds wasted every time they leave a message.

I did a back-of-the-envelope calculation* and estimated that Americans waste 600,000 man hours per day because of this useless 4 seconds. That's 600,000 hours we could be spending watching Desperate Housewives.

*I didn't have any envelopes so I used minitab and modeled outgoing voicemails as a poisson process with mu equal to 3 per day.

I know it didn't turn out so well last time my peeps interfered in Christian politics, but I vote that the next pope is Cuban.