MyATMPinIs1234

In case you were wondering...

It all started back in 1964 in Hoboken, New Jersey . . . on Washington Street, to be exact. Tony Conza and two high school friends had $2,500 in borrowed money and a simple idea - make sandwiches the way you would at home. Choose only the finest quality meats, cheeses and toppings, and pile them high while the customer waits for a fresh, tasty, satisfying sandwich.

Yep, you guessed it. That company is now the sandwich shop I walk past in order to get to Quiznos or Subway. Seriously, why would anyone go to Blimpie?

Also, upon further research, I noticed that the same company franchises Maui Tacos, the place I walk past in order to get to Taco Bell. The one time I didn't walk past it, I was seriously disappointed. Also, I had to run home.

It's pretty simple.

1) Learn to play golf.
2) Practice really hard.
3) ???
4) Join LPGA.
5) Profit.

Step #3 is now, get sex change operation.

I've been very careful to make sure that my wife and girlfriend never find out about each other, but that has been made extraordinarily more difficult now that they've both found out they have a long lost twin sister. And I really only have a plausible excuse for the first time I cheated.

After much deliberation, I've determined that there is no way to make this post sound cool or even interesting. But here it is anyway, a tech description of how I moved my office from a cubicle to the beach (or anywhere, really)...

Documents: Samba tunneled over SSH via TCP/IP over WIFI
Phone: VOIP
Paycheck: Direct Deposit
Sunblock: PABA free

Does anyone know how to network a blender?

It's been brought to my attention that some people do not know the list of acceptable animals for turning into burgers. I became aware of this when two friends came to me to settle a dispute whether turkey was on the approved list.

I responded that burgers are ground up cow. Turkey can be substituted for cow on the fourth Thursday in November only.

Of course, the smart-ass turkey lover asks, "So Bison is no good?"

I hadn't realized we were playing lawyer-ball. In my original answer, I was using "cow" colloquially to refer to any bovine mammal (subfamily Bovinae). So in case it ever comes up, aside from domestic cattle, other acceptable burger sources include, but are not limited to, Yak, Gaur, Auroch (extinct), Anoa (lowland, mountain), Buffalo (American, water) -- and if you're in Africa -- Nyala and Kudu.

Thank you for your cooperation on this matter.

The word "hero" is so abused these days it's practically lost its meaning. But this school teacher is a genuine hero.

Bush you stingy bitch. How dare you propose to only spend $2,570,000,000,000 this year! I've got an idea... maybe in this post I'll trot out the tired old cliche "if you lined all those up" statistics. That will be fun because I can look up all kinds of distances on websites that are surely reliable.

Of course, even if you lined them up at 5 dollar bills per second, it would take you over 16,000 years to finish,

and the length of this bill trail would encircle the earth 9,773 times,

which is not that long, as it's only 2.6 times the distance to the sun,

and that means if you ran the length of the trail, it would only take you 21.8 minutes if you were running at the speed of light,

but fortunately, if you were running at that speed, time would stop according to the Special Theory of Relativity, and thus April 15th would not occur,

which would be a novel way of getting your automatic filing extension,

and would probably be ruled illegal by the United States Tax Court,

meaning the US Government has declared [the speed of light constant] c illegal,

therefore, by Reductio ad Absurdum, this budget is not possible. Only an IDIOT like GEORGE W. BUSH would propose a federal budget that contravenes the laws of nature.

Someone should look into this.

Under Jewish law, a mohel -- someone who performs circumcisions -- draws blood from the circumcision wound. Most mohels do it by hand, but Fischer uses a rare practice where he uses his mouth.

Catholic priests are still trying to figure out why they didn't think of this. Is it so much to ask for to have old religious guys keep their hands and mouths off young boys? By the way, the baby got herpes.

I didn't believe it myself until I saw the purchase order. But then I thought, I know Bill is a great salesman, but maybe the Eskimo really did need to buy all that snow.