Thursday, May 29, 2008
Since the introduction of advanced trauma medicine, many fewer idiots are dying before they are able to breed. And people are clearly taking advantage. An example of this are the folks who are marketing something called The FitFlop, which I recently saw advertised on the subway.
It's the Flip-Flop, with the Gym Built In
The FitFlop claims that "every step you take in your FitFlops helps tone and trim your legs." Some additional claims, taken directly from the website, include:
Man I feel like an idiot. This whole time I've been loading a large amount of weight on a bar, putting it on my back and squatting down repeatedly until I can't anymore. I could've just put on some flip-flops and be totally toned!
The synapses fire before placing in the shopping cart. I WANT THESE FLIPFLOPS BECAUSE NOW I CAN AVOID HARD WORK. WHICH IS HARD. AND WORK. TWO THINGS I LIKE TO AVOID DUE TO MY OBESITY.
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Oh wait, ignore this whole rant. They are claiming to increase muscle tone. Since this is not a real thing, they are not really lying. Because everyone knows that there are only two things that can happen to your muscles. They can get bigger, or they can get stronger. Pianos have tone. Muscles do not.
It's the Flip-Flop, with the Gym Built In
The FitFlop claims that "every step you take in your FitFlops helps tone and trim your legs." Some additional claims, taken directly from the website, include:
"They challenge hard to reach muscles more." [WTF IS A HARD TO REACH MUSCLE!?!???]Of course, since the FitFlop is so potent, they recommend that it "be used progressively to avoid excessive muscle soreness."
"FitFlops have been clinically proven [PROVEN! BY SCIENCE!] to increase the amount of time that the gluteus maximus muscle is 'activated' during every single step."
Man I feel like an idiot. This whole time I've been loading a large amount of weight on a bar, putting it on my back and squatting down repeatedly until I can't anymore. I could've just put on some flip-flops and be totally toned!
The synapses fire before placing in the shopping cart. I WANT THESE FLIPFLOPS BECAUSE NOW I CAN AVOID HARD WORK. WHICH IS HARD. AND WORK. TWO THINGS I LIKE TO AVOID DUE TO MY OBESITY.
------
Oh wait, ignore this whole rant. They are claiming to increase muscle tone. Since this is not a real thing, they are not really lying. Because everyone knows that there are only two things that can happen to your muscles. They can get bigger, or they can get stronger. Pianos have tone. Muscles do not.
