MyATMPinIs1234

A Random Walk Down Wall Street. Some might recognize this as the name of book on investing. I would add that this is also an apt description of the pedal motion of tourists in our nation's financial capital. By that I mean, you can make no assumption on the direction of their next step based on the fact that the last step was forward.

This causes complications for those of us attempting to get to work, as the sidewalks begin to resemble Brownian motion with fanny packs. I don't hold it against them, seeing as most of their previous walking experience was between their garage door and car, but as a public service, I've decided to come up with a list of guidelines. Feel free to hand these out in the local airports and train stations.

NYC Walking Guidelines for Tourists

1) Walk in a straight line at a brisk pace.
2) If you need to stop, quickly look behind you to make sure no one is following closely (except as provided in subsection 2b).
2b) Do not ever stop on subway stairs.
2c) If you need to stop on a sidewalk, move against the building or the curb. Do not stop in the middle of the sidewalk. If this requires changing your direction, please see rule 3.
3) If changing direction, look to the side and slightly behind where you will be going to make sure no one is coming up besides you. You might recognize this as being similar to what you do in your car back home when changing lanes.
4) Your family does not need to walk 4 abreast. Walk single file or two abreast until your destination, at which time you can discuss how bright the billboards are.
5) In case of rain, you do not need an umbrella with the same circumference as the dish NASA uses to track Voyager II as it passes through the heliosheath.