MyATMPinIs1234

Ad Wizard Alert

During my normal reconnoitering for things that just don't make sense, I came across an advertisement for the Conair Ion Shine hairdryer, which promises to "use ions to reduce your hair's frizz and improve shine." No one else seemed perplexed by this ad, so I guess they already knew how ions accomplish this, but I was not convinced. A quick web search revealed this:

An ionic dryer generates clouds of negatively charged ions to neutralize positive ions. They surround the hair shaft much like a hair conditioner does and they aid in reducing static electricity and fly-away frizzies which can dull the hair. The result is shiny, conditioned, healthy hair for men and women of all ages, races and nationalities*.

Of course! Since my hair is filled with positively charged ions (cations, which must be a bad thing), this hair dryer is just the ticket. I guess this also explains why my hair is always so much nicer when I watch TV, whose cathode would attract those bad cations out of my hair.

Can someone please give me a job in marketing? I would like a job in a field (economists, weather prognosticators) where the more wrong you are the most successful you are. I could shoot straight to the top of such a field.

*On a positive note, it's heartening to see that clouds of negatively charged ions do not discriminate on the basis of age, race, or nationality.