Tuesday, August 10, 2004
The art and science of giving gratuities is now completely out of whack and I am not happy about it. I'm sure at one point it was reasonable to base tip amount on the total dollar value of the service provided, but I'm afraid this is no longer the case. It partially has to do with the fact that most people cannot distinguish between quality and things that are expensive.
On a recent evening, several of my friends went to dinner at one of those places that is popular and expensive for no discernible reason. After dinner, the place turns into a club, and in order to remain at our table we had to buy bottles of alcohol. The waitress walked about 9 steps to get us a bottle of vodka and a bucket of ice. This took her about 14 seconds and there was absolutely no mixology or any other skill involved on her part. She did this for us 2 more times, and due to the fact that mass hysteria has overtaken the vodka industry, our bill was $1100, including $200 for the nice waitress, who did about 60 seconds worth of work.
Compare this to the guy who stands in the coffee cart outside of my office building. He gets there at about 6 AM every day, and always has my coffee and bagel ready. He is standing there in January when it's about -30 degrees and snowing like it does in horrible places like Siberia or Rochester, and he's there in July standing all day next to a huge steaming hot coffee dispenser in the 110 degree heat. He is there every friggin day, and for this effort what does he get? The price for a coffee and a bagel is $1, which after his expenses should net him around 2 cents. He does not ever get tips.
Off the top of my head (since I haven't been steamed by this for years), I can think of two decent solutions that would ameliorate my discontent.
Solution 1:
Break out the tipping values so we are all clear what we are paying for. In the case of the waitress at the club, the $200 tip would be broken down into 2 sections:
Vodka: $900
-----
Service Gratuity: $1
You Are Pretty: $199
-----
Total Tip: $200
Total: $1100
Solution 2:
Purchase bottles of vodka at the store for $20, hire several girls from New Jersey to dress provocatively and tell us to fuck off, and then in the morning give a couple hundred bucks to someone who is actually doing hard work and you appreciate.
On a recent evening, several of my friends went to dinner at one of those places that is popular and expensive for no discernible reason. After dinner, the place turns into a club, and in order to remain at our table we had to buy bottles of alcohol. The waitress walked about 9 steps to get us a bottle of vodka and a bucket of ice. This took her about 14 seconds and there was absolutely no mixology or any other skill involved on her part. She did this for us 2 more times, and due to the fact that mass hysteria has overtaken the vodka industry, our bill was $1100, including $200 for the nice waitress, who did about 60 seconds worth of work.
Compare this to the guy who stands in the coffee cart outside of my office building. He gets there at about 6 AM every day, and always has my coffee and bagel ready. He is standing there in January when it's about -30 degrees and snowing like it does in horrible places like Siberia or Rochester, and he's there in July standing all day next to a huge steaming hot coffee dispenser in the 110 degree heat. He is there every friggin day, and for this effort what does he get? The price for a coffee and a bagel is $1, which after his expenses should net him around 2 cents. He does not ever get tips.
Off the top of my head (since I haven't been steamed by this for years), I can think of two decent solutions that would ameliorate my discontent.
Solution 1:
Break out the tipping values so we are all clear what we are paying for. In the case of the waitress at the club, the $200 tip would be broken down into 2 sections:
Vodka: $900
-----
Service Gratuity: $1
You Are Pretty: $199
-----
Total Tip: $200
Total: $1100
Solution 2:
Purchase bottles of vodka at the store for $20, hire several girls from New Jersey to dress provocatively and tell us to fuck off, and then in the morning give a couple hundred bucks to someone who is actually doing hard work and you appreciate.
